I tell you…this adoption journey has been an incredible faith journey. The longer we wait the more fervent my prayers become. The more money we spend the more I turn to God for the faith to be patient and to trust. The more we prepare our home for a child the more excited I become. The more I talk about this the more I wonder what kind of father I will be.
In my last post about my adoption story I mentioned that I was a little hesitant about diving in; which was the complete opposite of how my wife felt. I worried about this or that. I had a hard time with trying to figure out how we were going to pay for this. I was nervous about some of the logistics. Now…I can hardly wait until the day that I can be referred to as dad. Even to type that word, “dad”, seems strange when it refers to me. There’s a part of me that thought that it would never happen. And even though that part of me was saddened by that potential future I was starting to grow accustomed to it. But now…I can’t imagine traveling another road; I can’t image a future where I am not called dad.
And that feeling; that confidence that God has chosen a child for us out there…somewhere…makes this an incredible faith journey. I keep praying and asking God “When?“; “How long, O Lord? How long?“; “How will this be?” I lift up my fears, questions, concerns; and eventually I feel this sense that God understands and gives me that comforting embrace that says, “Be patient my child; be patient“. It is something that I can’t adequately describe but maybe you know what I am talking about.
And maybe this wait is part of God’s plan in shaping me; in refining me; in preparing me for fatherhood (Wow…really strange to type “fatherhood”). Whatever the case, I can’t imagine going through this process without my relationship with God through Jesus. I can’t imagine trying to navigate the plethora of paperwork and phone calls and planning and applications without God. I can’t imagine trying to plan and figure out every last detail without the Holy Spirit’s guidance. I can’t imagine not having God to lift my voice to.
So the waiting continues and this potential father is super excited. My life will change in countless ways but I am so ready to face those countless changes. As scary as it is going to be I am so ready to be called, “Dad”.
Praise be to God!
The pastor (and potential father) -|—